Forgiveness in the couple, it is necessary to know how to take the first steps

In love, you have to know how to take the first steps. The first steps are those that come after an argument, a conflict, a misunderstanding, a painful passage in the couple. We tend to close ourselves off when we argue with our partner and consequently have difficulty moving towards forgiveness. However, forgiveness is essential in order not to remain in pain and blocking emotion.

Why is it important to know how to take the first steps and forgive your partner? How can we take this time of intimate reunion to forgive each other for our mistakes, our erring ways and our faults?

The importance of forgiveness in a couple

In love, if you want your relationship to succeed, that is to say, to be fulfilled in a personal and reciprocal fulfillment, you will have to learn to accept who you are and who the other is, and to welcome each other in forgiveness too.

Indeed, even if individualities can be very powerful and take their place in a love relationship, the importance of forgiveness in the couple will resolve many misunderstandings and conflicts.

There is nothing worse than a couple that remains in silence without having clarified the knots of their differences.

For this reason, it is important to be aware of the first steps and that forgiveness is one of the keys to move towards this path of communication in the couple.

There is no point in sulking for hours or days. This sulking is harmful for you and for the other person. Nothing advances and everything crystallizes inside you. This creates emotional blockages and the couple loses its true essence which is the acceptance of each other.

Learning to accept one's partner also means forgiving. Forgiveness will therefore be a pillar for the love of the couple.

For forgiveness allows us :

to open our heart to the other
to be sincere with oneself and with the other
to accept each other's failings
to express your feelings, your emotions
to move towards gentleness
to move towards understanding
to build your couple
to exchange deeply with your partner.

Of course, forgiveness with your partner is possible in situations that are not extreme such as physical and verbal violence. In these situations, it is necessary to know how to protect oneself.

I am talking about those authentic forgiveness with one's partner when misunderstanding or the need to understand each other take their place. These moments that some would call "low" unlike the "highs in the couple" remain essential to learn to love your partner and live your love.

If you stay in your selfishness for too long, constantly accusing your partner and not taking any responsibility, there is a good chance that the relationship will wither and end over time with the lack of love and communication.

The importance of forgiveness in a couple has many benefits for the foundation of the couple.

Each dispute, conflict, disagreement must have its phase of rest and peace. 

I often notice around me but also in my therapeutic writing accompaniments how many people suffer from non-communication in their couple. Sometimes, the partners have not succeeded in finding this risky way to say things to each other, to admit sometimes not always pleasant words.

So it is certain that we do not always know how to speak calmly. We are human beings with impulses that we regret. It can be difficult to say sorry to the person we love, but it is toxic to be engulfed in endless regrets and remorse.

If forgiveness is essential in a love relationship, how can you naturally implement it in your relationship?

How to forgive in a couple after an argument?

The first big argument I had with my husband was difficult to live with because the only answer I got from him was to leave me on the edge of the bed, eating my heart out.

I called him immediately and told him that for our relationship, and because I needed it, we had to calm down. 

But what I didn't understand was that my husband wanted to go out to calm himself first.

Unlike me, my husband bottoms up his anger, does not express it because it is violent while I need to say, to express my emotions in all their states.

So you understand that communication can be complicated during arguments. 

One contains himself and the other explodes.

Throughout our life as a couple, we get to know each other in these moments of opposition and we learn to welcome each other even if we don't like these facets, these painful moments.

But they are part of being a couple. It is not easy to live and love someone, especially when we have set the intention from the beginning to be authentic and to say things to each other.

It's unpleasant, it's sometimes disturbing and it wreaks some havoc inside.

Love is always learned in pairs.

I don't believe in couples who love each other every day. I believe more in those who are whole and who take the risk to exist fully in their duo.

So the first piece of advice I'm going to give you is to take the first steps in love.

When you have just had an argument, it is obvious that everyone needs a few moments to breathe and not to come to physical or verbal violence. Then quietly go towards the other to exchange on what has just happened and say these words:

Forgive me for being harsh.
Forgive me for expressing this violently.
Forgive me for doing this.

And receive the apology in return. In this moment of forgiveness, reciprocity is paramount. If you are the only one expressing forgiveness, after a while it will not be possible. On the other hand, if everyone takes their share of responsibility for the conflict that has just taken place, then everything will work out for the best in terms of appeasement, liberation and fulfillment for everyone.

Even if a trigger is identifiable in the dispute and you are the author, this does not mean that the other does not have a share of responsibility.

There are emotions that belong to you and the partner is often a reflection of what we find hard to accept about ourselves.

It is therefore essential in this life of couple to accept each other. Do not remain in the animosity and the silences and the unsaid.

Offer yourselves the full extent of love up to the forgiveness which is necessary to advance each day together.