Let's talk about the list of criteria

"Have you made your list of criteria? I received this question hundreds of times when I became single a few years ago. Every time I met someone who knew that I had experienced a breakup, he asked me the question "Ghislain, have you made your list of criteria? It was as if making my list of criteria would allow me to find love.

I have nothing against the list of criteria, I think it is one of the important elements to do when I want to clarify what I want to experience in my relationship with the other person. But for me, the list of criteria refers to things that are external, I mean external to me. So we're talking about characters or physical parameters: the other person's height, eye color, hair color, things like that. "Ghislain, if I refer to her settled past, to joyful, adventurous, there I am no longer in physical criteria." I agree with you, but it's still the other person's criteria. I would like to bring the camera towards me.

In fact, in benevolent communication, we often refer to bringing the camera towards ourselves. The camera towards oneself, it means what do I want to live, me, in my relationship with the other? And that, that element, I call it the love project. What is the love project that I want to live in my relationship with the other? And the love project refers to: what are the needs I want to fulfill, what are the energies I want to bathe in? For example, I need support, I need to be able to talk about my emotions, I need to have a relationship that is deep and not just superficial. These are important elements of the love project for me.

So the list of criteria, yes. The way this person behaves in life, yes. But the most important thing for me is what I experience in my relationship with the other person. So, I invite you to define your love project and to go for it, because the Tandem Effect can indeed help you live your love project.