The seven bases for a healthy relationship. First: don't take the other person or the relationship for granted and don't consider that the other person belongs to you. Second: do not expect the other person to make you happy. Third: understand that what I feel, what I experience as an emotion, even if the other is the trigger, it is me who is the author, it is me who inhabits it. Fourth: respect your limits. Fifth: always take into consideration your own needs in a situation, but without imposing them on the other person. Sixth: respect your values, give yourself importance in the relationship while taking the other person into account. And seventh: get out of the illusion of the perfect relationship or the perfect person.
There are seven bases for a healthy relationship, but there are also seven bases for a solid relationship. What are they? First: develop trust and maintain it. Second: Stay as authentic as possible. Third, and this is super important, get out of criticism and judgment. Fourth: develop intimacy, first with yourself and then with the other person. Fifth: develop complicity. Sixth: take charge of your own needs, don't wait for the other to do it. And seventh, finally, accept that you cannot control everything in the relationship, you must learn to let go.
Consider that we always attract to us what we think we are worth, these basics are very interesting and are very, very, very important to take into account. And the fact of looking for the ideal partner and waiting for him to present himself to us, the person you are going to meet, if he meets certain criteria, at least the most important criteria, it is always going to be the right person at that moment who presents himself to you. It doesn't mean to choose everyone or to choose anyone. What I mean by that is that in the relationship, the majority of the criteria that you want to have, when the person you meet comes to you, it's because that's what you're attracted to and that's exactly what you need right now. Because every relationship is there to teach us about ourselves, that's the way to go. I can't have the ideal of what I can think or project on day 1, I have to walk the path, I have to get there. And you have to go through those steps to get to that.
Which brings us to the foundations of a solid relationship. Again, there are seven foundations of a strong relationship. The foundations of a solid relationship, I call them the roots of the couple, a bit like a tree. The tree, when it grows, so the couple when it grows, at the very beginning the roots are very small, but the more it goes, the more it sinks into the ground, the more solid it becomes. So the more you strengthen your roots, the stronger your cup will become.
What are these roots? There are seven. First, you can't miss, it's love, but not just any love, unconditional love. Secondly, there is respect, respect for oneself, for one's limits, respect for the other and for the other's limits. Then comes, as the third root, communication, I would be tempted to say even benevolent, personal and intimate communication, telling each other the real stuff. Then comes the fourth root, which I think is very important, responsible authenticity, i.e. to remain oneself without accusing the other person of being responsible for what one experiences, to take responsibility for what one is. Fifth, we have trust. Because trust cannot exist without love, without respect, without good communication, without responsible authenticity. Then comes naturally the intimacy in the sixth point, the sixth root. That's how we develop intimacy as well, it's being able to share ourselves, to tell each other, but to tell each other the real stuff. And finally, the seventh point, the seventh root, complicity. That's the top, that's what everybody wants to achieve, that's what everybody wants to have, but it can't be there if the other roots aren't there.
I like to give the example of climbing Mount Everest. Let's say your dream, your project, is to go climb Mount Everest. The couple is also a project, so we can transpose that. If your dream is to reach the summit of Mount Everest, just like your couple where the summit is to reach complicity, if that's all you want to do, you just have to take the helicopter and go directly to the summit. But that won't give you the satisfaction you're looking for. It's not having both feet planted on the top, looking down and saying "OK, I think that's good", that's not the fun of climbing. It's the journey, it's the overcoming, it's everything that's going to be involved.
Translated with DeepL
