I learned over time that if I didn't want to accumulate, it's important to name in the here and now, and if I didn't, it was the equivalent of filling a backpack that I carried on my back. I like that metaphor, what I call "the backpack of happiness", because normally it's a backpack that you fill with the frustrating things of the day. You know, that backpack that goes great with the clothes of the day, but I fill it up whenever I don't take the time to name my frustrations. I get up in the morning, I've had breakfast, I'm frustrated, I don't name it, come on, hop in the bag. I arrive at work, my schedule is already full, I have a colleague, a boss, an employee who comes to change the plans of the day, I don't give myself the space to name him, I am frustrated, come on, hop, in the bag. The backpack can be used for many other situations too. The only thing is that I have to learn to empty it. When I take the time to empty my bag, it gives me a chance to put other things in it.
Imagine when I accumulate frustrations day after day, week after week, year after year, my backpack gets so big and so heavy to carry that it ends up taking up a lot of space. And at times, I carry it in front. And when I bring myself back to the other person in my relationship and try to cuddle, imagine if we tried to cuddle with a backpack that is full to the brim. To have a harmonious relationship, to have a relationship that is light, to find love on a dating site like Tandem Effect, I must be able to empty my backpack.
Imagine showing up in a new relationship, taking the time to go to the grocery store and filling my bag with past-due victuals: past-due cheese, sour milk, moldy bread, rotten fruit. Imagine that this is what you have to offer the other person at the beginning of a relationship, it's unlikely to work. Instead, I invite you to go to the grocery store, pick up a fresh cheese, a soft loaf of bread and a beautiful bottle of wine that you can share with the other person. And that way, you'll be able to start on a much better footing.
So, have a good meeting, and especially a good visit to the supermarket.
